fueled by coffee

"Behind every successful woman...is a substantial amount of coffee." -- Stephanie Piro

let me have my coffee
before i start the day
i need it to awaken my body
before i make my way

let me have my coffee
before you speak to me
about this or that or whatever
let me sip or you'll hear me never

o yes, i need my coffee
during lunchtime too
let me smell the hazelnut aroma
i need it to prevent food coma

and let me have my coffee
while i am hitting the books
while i am surfing the net
while i am trying to cook

and please let me have my coffee
after a crazy day at work
i need it to keep my sanity
after dealing with some jerks

don't worry about me
just give me those with sugar and cream
worry about you, honey
if i don't have my caffeine!

the journey

on this journey i took along
my goals and dreams and then some songs

i relied on my goals to keep me going
and set some more for the taking

along the road i met experiences past
and used it to make my journey last

my goals and my past then fed my dreams
while the songs made the trip shorter than it seems

i used up my dreams and replenished them for more
while i wonder for what i'm doing it for

so i looked and looked and asked above
if there is something in this journey that i forgot

i then decided to take another way
only to discover things to my dismay

a ship on the dock, a car that's parked
a book unread, a shepherd without a flock

with enlightenment i went back to my course
this time taking with me my forgotten purpose

and all this time purpose made it clear
as to what i am doing here

and though my journey took an extra mile
going through it with purpose makes it all worthwhile

the little things

Most of the critical things in life, which become
the starting points for human destiny, are little things.
- R. Smith

it does not seem to be important

but hey, i tell you now

the little things do matter

and work their way in somehow

what if there are no smiles

no converstations, no time to ever spend

would you still call it a friendship

would you call your friend a friend?

and if there are no reminders

from your teacher to practice your craft each day

do you think you'll ever encounter

the success that you have today?

no love will ever come upon

without time spent with other

without sacrifices, without commitments

without putting up with one's flaws either

and perhaps without the sunrise

without stories of people that cope

without spring following winter

i doubt that we will ever feel hope

and maybe without your small donation

without the one person that first stood up

without the 5K you've walked for the cure*

we would have lost the fight and given up

yes, the bigger things

that lead to something great

actually came from the little things

combined with a little faith

 ____________________________________________________________________

* inspired by the Susan G Komen foundation, the biggest charity for breast cancer research. This started with a sister's dying wish in the 1980's, which then fueled the fire to find the cure through marathons and fund raisers. The foundation has since then donated an average of $1.5 billion to breast cancer research, which then has significantly improved breast cancer survival rates.

the things i'd do for free

i'd sing for the Pope
i'd eat in Japan
i'd give my own soap
to the prime minister of Thailand

all these i would do
i would do without a fee
without conditions, without dues
the payment is the opportunity

i might even consider
to do Coco Chanel's laundry
or maybe i'd deliver
Angelina Jolie's next baby

and of course i would judge
along with Simon Cowell
and i would not mind making fudge
with Paula Deen either

call it gratis, libre
libero or frei
free services i'd render
no strings, no lies

and i would not miss the chance
to keep the Dalai Lama company
and of course i'd willingly dance
with Usher or the Black Eyed Peas

i'd paint the First Family's portrait
i'd perform in Carnegie Hall
i'd happily and willingly edit
JK Rowling's new book this fall*

but then again i'm a publc servant
just your regular gal
i offer free advice, company and time
as long as you're my pal

_____________________________________
* i don't know if there's a new book, but can't wait for her next one!

my music, my gift

if there ever was one gift

that i am most grateful for...

it would be the gift of music

and i could not ask for more

yes, it's music that i turn to

whatever way i feel...

when i'm happy, when i'm sad

when my broken heart needs to heal

it does not take that much money

and the songs are everywhere...

they are the perfect company

when no one seems to care

and it never ceases to amaze me

that two or more people would bond...

based on a single song

even if one is old and one is young

there is so much more i could tell you

on what music does to my soul...

but for now, my Lord, i thank You

for the gift that makes me whole!

money advice to self

ok now, Aby
just settle down
you're spending way too much money
as if you're out of town

control, control
and try to tighten your belt
i'm just afraid you'd fall
if the debts are not dealt

start with your food
you don't need daily lattes
home-brewed coffee tastes just as good
from starbucks, stay away

and do you really need
to burn that much gas
stay at home, walk to the beach
you'll even be fit, that's not too much to ask

the internet is more than fine
for movies and keeping in touch
save on stamps, pay bills online
as long as no purchases are made, as such

leave your credit cards at home
do yourself a favor
and never ask for money loans
from your relatives or your neighbors

and last but not the least
let me leave you with this thought
use money wisely, but do not miss
living life at any cost

free reign

i am an artist
please let me be
i find inspiration
on all sorts of things
it happens unexpectedly

i am an artist
please let me create
let me explore
let me push boundaries
just keep the faith

i am an artist
please understand
let me mold my art
according to what my mind
tells my left hand

i am an artist
please do not take this in vain
do not tell me what do
and trust that i'll deliver
just give me free reign

kismet

i would like to think
that nothing is ever wasted
and everything is meant to be,
for what is the point of God having created
this world for you and me?

i would like to think
that sorrow has a purpose
and hatred has a place,
for how can we feel love and happiness
without the other two setting the pace?

and maybe
there are no accidents
just lessons to be learned,
for if everything would be perfect
then no one will ever be concerned

and maybe
someone we encounter
did not occur by chance,
perhaps one is meant for the other
like the Eiffel is for France!

and so i would like to think
that we are here for a reason
and we are not just existing,
we just have to wait, do not hasten
to realize life is worth living!

the piece of paper

eleven years ago, i received a piece of paper. about the size of what you get in the fortune cookie, folded, with my name written over it, and laid out on top of an old piano. for some of us who received it, it contained a message that would change our lives forever.

it is not easy to obtain that paper. a lot of time and effort was invested. a lot of doubts, second guessing yourself, and not to mention flexion of your diaphragm muscles. and this is probably why i regard this as one of the biggest achievements of my life.

yes, it made me rich. my wealth though, consists of long lasting friendships, wonderful memories and stories, and a heart load of stamps in my passport.

yes, it made me powerful. my powers though, consists of the ability to put heavy eye makeup flawlessly while riding on a moving vehicle;  the ability to survive with fifty dollars on my pocket for two months, while still managing to gain 10 pounds; and the ability to speak combined Deutsch, Spanish and gay lingo, all at once.

and yes, it made me a celebrity too. from a standing ovation given by a foreign audience, a complement from an esteemed expert, to newfound friends and admirers tagging along wherever i go.  not to mention seeing yourself make frontpage in a town's local newspaper.

but most importantly, the paper made me respect myself. i try not to settle. but instead i strive to be the best. but i know that i have to work hard to do this. and i have to play fair. those are the things that stuck with me since receiving that piece of paper.

all the recipients of that piece of paper, i believe, have the same sentiments. and that is why we are forever bonded whether or not we went through the same journey together. for we are all trained by the same master, who gave us the paper.

for you see, the message in the paper says, "you are now one of the UST Singers."

i am late because...

i overslept,
the alarm clock broke,
i had to comfort the lady who wept
because her husband had a stroke.

i was stuck in traffic,
my car broke down,
my baby boy was having colic
so i have to give his tummy a rubdown.

i had to go back,
i left the iron on,
i forgot to feed the cat,
i forgot my uniform.

the police pulled me over,
on my way to get here,
i could not find a baby sitter,
i almost ran over a deer.

i really wanted to be on time
but i had a bad headache,
so i had to stand in line,
to buy the medicine i had to take.

the alarm clo-- ummm
(i guess that one's already used)
my baby sitter did not come,
i know! she had this stupid excuse!

but boss, i am here now,
i am sorry i am not punctual.
but i'm all ready to apply my know-how
i am just a few minutes off schedule. :)

dream rendezvous

until we meet again
i still do not know where
perhaps in the rough waves of the ocean
i really do not care...

as long as...

i would see you
be it in the hard, pouring rain
or on top of a blue talking mountain
i am prepared to face the pain...

it would take...

for me to talk to you
about anything under the sun
be it the weather, politics or religion
together, we will run...

from the harshness...

of this reality
to a world of our own
be it a floating meadow or a dark corner
you and i, we will roam...

the crevices...

of my wandering mind
where only there, you are real
where i can be certain you exist
so i can spin the wheel...

of chance...

and until we meet again
i shall find you with my eyes closed
the real world is too painful to wake up to
because you are no longer there, i suppose

_________________

inspired by the film inception, where the protagonist spends time with his love, in his dreams. :)

would you?

if you are a singer
would you
sing your heart out?
without regard to
the venue of the performance
or the number of the crowd?

if you are a doctor
would you
treat each patient the same?
without regard to
what he can afford
or if he made a big name?

if you are a builder
would you
complete your project in time?
without regard to
the client, be him a renter or a homeowner
or if he is legally blind?

if you are a teacher
would you
treat your students fair and equal?
without regard to
their degree of enthusiasm
or if you know your efforts are futile?

if you are a juror
would you
ensure that justice will prevail?
without regard to
the pressure of the people
or knowing that you'd be blackmailed?

if you are a person
would you
follow the golden rule?
without regard to
whoever you encounter
be him a rich man, a famous man or a fool?

43

what time is it?
so i looked on my watch to see
only to find
that it's 1043

not that i care
but a couple of times you see
whenever i wonder about the time
the minute is always on 43

and not only that
several times it follows me
i look at the street signs
yup, a street that's 43


i wonder and i worry
what does it say about me
will i marry, pass on, or have a baby
at the age of 43?

is it my lucky number
should i use it at the lottery
or place a bet at the racetrack
on the number 43?

43, 43
what are you trying to tell me?
should i avoid you, should i use you?
what do you want from me?

i write.

i write not to invoke
one's passion, joy or fears
but i do so for expression
i write what i feel.

i write not to cause havoc
or because it's the trend
but i do so for fulfillment
i write to defend.

i write not for fame
nor for respect or success
but i do so for the voice within me
i write to confess.

i write not to explain
nor for one to understand
but i do so for His glory
i write under His command.

inspiration

it comes to you....
and it may come on a whim
you really have no choice
but to invite it in

it strikes you...
no matter where you are
what is important is that you take it
whether you're at home or in your car

it calls you...
it does not care if it is day or night
you can't help but to heed it
it is something that you can not fight

it changes you...
and it could be a person, a place or a thing
as long as you would let it
as long as you would give in

it finds you...
if you are lucky you'd find it too
and when you know what to do with it
another one would be inspired by you

contradictory me

i am sometimes at a lost
   but then i don't really want to be found
i sometimes want to fly
   yet i also want to stay on the ground

i complain about work
   but i am afraid to go broke
i don't want to be too serious
   yet i can't even take a joke

i like to have people around me
   yet i enjoy being alone
i want to go see the world
   yet i prefer to stay home

i spend a lot of time worrying
   when i only want to be carefree
i am always, always thinking
   only to do a lot of things mindlessly

but are we really supposed to be
   definite, certain and decided?
is it okay to change our minds sometimes
   just as long as we are not all the time halfhearted?

Silly Little Bird

 


o silly bird by the window
won't you please stop chirping?
don't you know that it's late at night
and everyone else is sleeping?

o silly bird by the window
won't you please stop singing?
i have to concentrate on my book
and i have work in the morning!

o silly bird by the window
go away! start flying!
go fly as far as you can
so i can finish reading!

o silly bird by the window
you better start hiding!
for i will chase you away
unless you do what i'm asking!

undefined definition

i will not be defined
by what i do for a living
but instead i want to be known for
what i have been contributing

i will not be defined
by my religion and my race
but instead i want to be known
as one who won't put her talents to waste


i will not be defined
by what i have and what i wear
but instead i want to be known for
as one who plays fair


i will not be defined
by the organizations i belong to
but instead i want to be known for
the difference that i do


for i refuse to be labeled
i am not a brand
i am my own person
willing to make a stand

the wait

I don’t know what I’m waiting for
I’m not sure if I’m prepared
But I have my glasses by the bedside
And some money to pay the fare

I don’t know what I’m waiting for
I’m not sure if I am ready
But I have an empty bladder and a clear mind
And made sure I am not hungry

I don’t know what I am waiting for
I’m not sure if I’m all set
But I have my skills to take with me
And my mentality in check

I don’t know what I’m waiting for
I’m not sure if I’m equipped
But I have my past and this moment
And my future plans ready to be lit

I don’t know what I’m waiting for
I’m not sure if I’m willing to change
But I have hope love and faith
To keep me company throughout the wait

A Choice

I can always pretend
That everything’s just fine
But I would be

lying

I can always count
The blessings that I’ve had
But I would be

stalling

I can always not compare
Your life to my life
But to myself I would be

deluding

I can always be content
With sleeping, working and eating
But I would merely be

existing

so I choose not to
do all these
but instead be

accepting

that I am human
I am weak
I have flaws

I have feelings

But I am human
I am strong
I have dreams

I am free willing

I can always choose
my attitude on things
as long as it allows me to be

living

Something Earned

one can never really tell
if you or someone
is really
a friend
until a standard is met

one can always laugh together
and have a lot of things in common
one can always argue with each other
or agree in the long run

but not until
one earns trust
one puts up with another’s shortcomings
then one gains a place in one’s heart

and when the time will come
when the first person one calls
in the event of success or misfortune
is you

then you will truly be called
a friend

The Desiderata of Happiness

This was first introduced to me during my senior year in high school. My best friend wanted to be a school officer and one of the requirements is for them to memorize this poem. But the thought of memorizing eight long stanzas was too much for me and I immediately thought that my best friend, and whoever thought of this task up was crazy. So I probably never gave it a chance for its contents to sink in.

Until a few years back, when I encountered it again during a chemotherapy session with a patient. She was writing on her journal and she had a bookmark containing the Desiderata. She lent me her bookmark and let me read the poem. So I guess you would say I read it for the first time:

Go placidly amid the noise and haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.
As far as possible without surrender
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons,
they are vexations to the spirit.
If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain and bitter;
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.

Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.
Exercise caution in your business affairs;
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals;
and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself.
Especially, do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love;
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.
Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe,
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be,
and whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful.
Strive to be happy.

- Max Ehrmann, Desiderata, Copyright 1952.


This, then has become my 'onofficial mantra.' It covers just about everything we encounter in life: your dreams, your relationships, money, nature, God. And this, along with prayer, has been my favorite tool during times of conflict, doubt, and perhaps all the negative feelings I have had. And more often than not, I would then feel comforted after reading this.

I still think that whoever thought of this task up in high school was crazy. But he probably had been reading the Desiderata over and over; just like what I have been doing lately. And that memorizing it could be possibly sane and sensible.

this blog turns one!

for some inexplainable reason, i was brought to dwell on this blog and write again; after about 2 months of no posts. then i realized, after flipping thru the 'pages,' it has been a year since its conception.

30 posts so far. a couple of poems, lists, opinions and stories here and there. one follower. one comment. unknown number of readers. but whatever. this blog has served its purpose for me..therapeutic writing.

so i thank thee for letting me be, keeping me free and making me see!

ideas

i believe everyone has a brilliant idea. and probably some people share the same ideas. but only a few people make their ideas happen.

i'm pretty sure that not just one person has thought of opening a web search engine (Google), or putting the contents of a book in a computer screen (Kindle), or opening a coffee shop next to a bookstore (Starbucks). and these people who actually made their ideas into reality probably have no idea that they've hit big time.

which then makes me wonder, what does it take to make a brilliant idea work? timing? motivation? contacts? or just sheer luck?